not a pleasant morning

the early morning wind blows peacefully

though, the coldness successfully suffocates my lungs

I close my eyes and I imagine

if I were up in the clouds

or if I were underwater

trying to justify all these sufferings

but everytime I open my eyes

the only thing I could picture

is a blank wall with some yellowish stains 

and my back leaning on a pillow

that feels like a stack of thatch

too, the fabrics that I'm wearing

feel itchy as if they were scratching and digging up my skin

my mind starts to shut down

slowly slowly slowly

making me helpless

making me want to fall into a deep slumber

there's no hope

i am not normal

having to receive such pain in the head

that feels like someone's banging it against the wall

that feels like someone's talking disturbingly inside

i am not normal

having to put much effort on my feet

that I need to crawl because the wind froze them

and that something's growing to kill me

i am not normal

having to focus on my breathing and hold onto an inhaler

that it suffocates me whenever I feel not safe

that it takes the oxygen away when the cold comes

i am sick

so sick

i am ill

so ill

not being able to function mentally and physically

i am broken

so broken